Time

I don't like running out of things.  I don't like running out of toothpaste and face wash and gas, and I especially don't like running out things like youth and time.  But, c'est la vie.  That's how the universe works I suppose.

Sometimes, more so in the past but still to a certain extent, I feel like I'm running out of time.  The music industry, like most entertainment industries, is based on beauty and youth and there isn't too much time before you're too old and too ugly.  For years I've stressed about this.   At 24, I thought I was too old to get signed.  I assumed that if I turned 30 and I hadn't already had contracts and international tours and albums and a mansion, I was done for.  What I didn't assume in my early 20's is that as I creep closer to 30, I'd care about less and less about all that stuff.

Lately, I've been writing better music and I've been much less angsty than I used to be.  I've been caring less about the industry and more about putting on good shows.  I've paid less attention to gimmicks and more attention to singing well and writing good music.

While I still stress about things, I've learned that running out of bullshit thoughts isn't really a bad thing.  I've resigned myself to the fact that I won't be the next McCartney or Lennon or Cobain or whoever.  I'm happy with my life, because really, how could I not be?  I may not have a record deal by the time I'm 30 (and really who wants one of those these days?) and I may not have all the things a 20 year old wants, but I'm not 20 years old anymore.  I'm older and I have everything I need.

That is except toothpaste and face wash.



  

Web Presence

So, I'm sorry I haven't written an update in a while.  There's actually two reason for that.  The first is I think my mom is the only one who reads this (Hi Mom!).   The second is I'm not good at creating a "Web Presence."  I don't really like it, to tell the truth.  I don't post much on Facebook and obviously I'm having trouble keeping up this blog.  Maybe it's because I don't think my life is interesting enough for me to shove it down other people's computer monitors, but that just sounds too prideful.  Maybe I'm lazy.  Maybe I'm afraid that blogging and posting about every detail of my life will make me a hypocrite (I hate those people, don't you?), or maybe I'm just nervous people won't like what I have to say.  I don't know. 

This is my own Catch 22, I guess, because that's the exact opposite of how I feel about my music.  I want everyone to hear it and I think it's great.  Really great.  It probably isn't really that great, but to me (and my mom, I hope) it is.  That is where I've put all my psychological eggs.  I may be apathetic, lazy, short and have bad skin, but I sure can write a song -- wanna hear it?  You'll like me better afterward.

Blogging and posting on Facebook is just an extension of my already mundane, regular 9-5 life.  Music is my fantasy life, full of money, talent and good skin.

Everyone always comments on how different I am on stage, and I always nod and say something simple like, "Yup" or "You never can trust the quite ones."  But the simple fact is I don't know what makes me different up there or behind a desk at my job.  I think the same on stage.  I move the same as I do when I listen to a CD by myself.  Which one is the "real me"?  I don't know.  Both I suppose.  I am an only child -- maybe that explains all of it.  Shy, but constantly needing approval and attention.  I'm sure my psychology student fiancee would have a field day with all of this. 

Anyway, too much deep thought for now.  I could go on and on about this subject (ME!) for ages.  Good things have happened music-wise since my last post, and good things are coming down the pike, so I'll get back to this blog on a regular-ish basis.  Until then, goodnight Allie.  Goodnight Kevin.  (Good night mom).

Songwriting

Enough of the business already.  I can get caught up in "building a career" pretty easily, which always sends me on a downward spiral mentally.

Writing and performing music is what I do all this for, and I think it's important now to talk about how I do it.

Every song is different, but I've always thought of writing a song more along the lines of building a cabinet than waiting for something to fall out of the sky ready to go.  While I've had those moments, they're very few and far between.

Songwriting is a craft.  It's more a skill that needs to be honed than a talent that can be picked up naturally.  I'm not saying natural talent doesn't play a role, but it's much less than people think.